Change In Opinion Times Two
When my now husband and I got together children were off the table for him. I was never really ‘okay’ with it for many years, but as we continued our relationship I became used to the idea of it just being us. Being two people that lived out lives as a couple, didn’t have kids to worry about, and could have disposable income. This was also his stance on marriage. To be fair he had been married before and it didn’t go well. I always thought that because I wasn’t her that it was unfair to compare us and just never consider the option of marriage.
However, as you may have guessed, we did get married, 19 years into our relationship. Some, including some of our family, didn’t understand why we were now getting married because we had been together for 19 years already. For me, it had always been something I wanted because I am a traditional person at heart. Marriage to me isn’t just a legal piece of paper, it’s standing up in front of all of you loved ones making a statement saying this is your person.
Change In Opinion Number One
My husband had always said it was just paper and unnecessary but at some point it changed. I asked him after he proposed what happened that changed his opinion. His explanation was odd to me, mostly because we had been together for so long. He waited so long because he finally realized that I was here to stay and we worked to many hard times together rather than against each other. (reference the first marriage above) It took him a while to realize it but I am here to stay!
Change In Opinion Number Two
Kids… as I talked about here, we were a couple that agreed to not have kids. I didn’t aways feel that way thought. Like I said I have always been more traditional at heart. That always included kids at some point in my life but for my husband he felt he was too old to start a family. For context he is 15 years older than me and felt that as the years passed he was becoming “too old” to have kids. So I moved my expectations again, I know it seems that I am the only one compromising but you do what you do for the person you love.
So where is the opinion change? After we got married last year my husband actually brought up having kids. I was, rightfully so, confused because it had always been a no from him when kids were brought up. He was of the opinion that “if it happens it happens and we will have a baby” but if he had a choice it would be a no. Until now. After getting married, even if you have been together for a long time I believe that you should have talks that you’ve already had when you weren’t married.
Surprisingly he initiated the topic. Again, confusion from me, but he was feeling the same way I was, he was just the first to bring it up. We both feel like we are missing out on something we both wanted years ago but never had. In his first marriage kids were part of the plan and never happened which is part of the reason he didn’t want them later because of disappointment. He also knew that I had always wanted children and with the way he was feeling he knew that it was the right thing to talk about it.
Not only am I starting my marriage in my mid life but we will also be starting a family. Even though I want it, it is a little scary. A decade ago when I was younger and in slightly better health I don’t think I would be as scared but as a 40 year old it can be a risk to have a child.. but we are trying and I’m excited.
